Twelve days from college football being back. Just writing that got the blood flowing below the belt. It’s an exciting time of the year, with every team and fan base on their high horses, but let’s cut the shit and talk about one clown team that doesn’t stand a chance. They never do. And that is the ass clowns in Austin, the Texas Longhorns.
By the way, I’m Brando Bronco, I’ll be on here a couple times a week (or not, sue me) talking trash and mostly throwing out some takes that’ll piss people off. The same people that get pissed at anything I write are probably the same people that read their horoscopes on a daily basis. Losers. Anyways, back to the boys in Austin.
The Texas Longhorns
I shouldn’t have capitalized that header because they don’t deserve it, but it looks more professional. Every year we hear about how good Texas is and how every year Sark has a great recruiting class and returners. Yet every year it’s the same song and dance, 8-4/9-3 with a trip to the Alamo Bowl. And I will explain below why once again, Texas is NOT back.
The roster is allegedly a $47.9 million roster this season. And while I know every Power 4 team is tossing millions at these kids, what most don’t understand is money doesn’t stop a team from choking. The Longhorns go into the season with a preseason top 5 ranking, Arch Manning touted as one of the best QBs in the country, and a much improved offensive line. All signs point to a strong run to the CFP, but they’ve said this every year. The fact is the Longhorns may be going into mid October with three losses already with Ole Miss, LSU, and A&M left to play. The SEC is deep don’t get me wrong, but that hasn’t changed for the past 15 years and won’t change anytime soon. Let’s dive into my top two reasons why Texas sucks, again.
Arch Manning: AKA Nussmeier 2.0
Remember last season when Nussmeier came back and LSU was on their high horse? How’d that go? Nussmeier didn’t make it through the year, got a lovely mid round draft pick, and the Tigers had to use the entire State of Louisiana’s GDP to get rid of their coach and bring in Lane. Arch and the Longhorns will be no different. Sure Arch has the Manning name and looks solid going up against the scout team after he finishes his billiards class, but what has he done in big time games? Last season, Arch failed to throw for 300 yards against every top 25 opponent, outside of Vandy (sick). “But he can run too!” Wrong, 250 rushing yards in 12 games. What a dual threat QB. He will end up beating the piss out of the Texas State’s and other low level team, but come Ohio State in Week 2, it’ll be wash rinse repeat just like last year. Average QBs lead to average offense that leads to average team.
Sark Ain’t a Great Coach
What has he done since becoming the head coach at Texas? Every season he has these “top rosters” and “top recruits/transfers”, but he never does anything with it. If he were worth a damn, he’d be on the same level as a Kirby Smart, who gets top talent to perform at a high level year after year. Yeah Kirby lets the boys drive a bit fast in Athens, but damn can he get them to play on Saturdays. Sark somehow can’t get his boys fired up on Saturdays year after year and I have to believe a couple more of these okay seasons and he’s hunting for a job.
So Longhorn fans, get ready for another 8-4 season. Sure y’all paid the boys a ton of cash, have a big stadium and fan base, and have Matthew Mcconaughey jerkin it to a Ribeye on the sideline, but it doesn’t lead to results. I look forward to another disappointing season.
Thanks for reading this first article. It probably sucked, made you cringe a couple times, and took you forever to read my awful grammar, but you made it. I’ll see you guys in a few days, or weeks, to talk some more shit and take College Football way too seriously. Cheers 🍻